100 days ago, our church embarked on a challenge: pray for something only God can do. Make it personal, make it big, make it whatever you wanted. Just make it something only God could do so there was no question about where the answer came from.
Today marked the 100th day. So to see what God did in our lives, the service was devoted to sharing our stories. No sermon. Just sharing God's work in answering prayers.
That's when my tears started.
My prayer? For us to get pregnant. Obviously at this point, it's only God who will make this happen.
I sat and listened to testimony after testimony in tears. I had nothing to share. No answered prayer. No prayer of thanks. A whole lot of nothingness. And the tears fell faster. And harder.
Like I said, not every day can be a good day.
Have you ever been to the zoo? I have. Lots of times. I absolutely love it. I am a huge animal lover. All kinds. Well, except the creepy crawlies. One of my favorites was the Polar Bear. He was big, playful, and loved to swim or just lay around. He seemed to have the perfect animal life.
Have you ever wondered how it would feel to be one of the animals, like the polar bear? Day in and day out you live in the same room. The scenery doesn't change much from fake south pole and a small pool. It's the same old stuff around you to interact with, like rubber balls and fake ice. Every once in awhile, there are people on the outside looking in and staring. You might feel self conscious. You might feel resentment that they're on the outside and you're not. You might just feel resigned. All you know is that you'll never be on the other side of the glass. You're on one side, the rest of the world is on the other.
That's me.
Day in and day out, my life stays the same. Same house, same job, same sadness. No change. I know there's this wall of glass that separates me from the rest of the world. There's something "wrong" with me that will never allow me to be on the other side with everyone else. Some days I'm self conscious. Some days I'm resentful because I know I'll never get there. Some days I'm resigned.
I'm the polar bear.
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