My husband had to get a 6month semen analysis after his surgery in late April/early May. HIs first one at 3 months, was really good. Showed he increased to 60 million sperm, good motility, morphology, etc. Only little volume.
The doctor called this morning to tell us the results of the latest analysis 3 months later. While volume is now up to normal, he's down to 13 million sperm, when it should be up around 20. It seems strange to me to have these statistics go up and down. I know, in reality, it's par for the course, but it feels like a blow. After 2 steps forward in August, it's 2 steps back in November.
Often a single circumstance can seem completely different depending on our perspective. I could choose to look at this as yet another setback. Another reason to be angry at his parents for their role in neglecting his physical state while growing up. Another example of how much it "sucks to be us." Or I could look at it as another way we have answers. Another explanation to help us get to the solution. Another way God's revealed a tiny part of His plan and what He wants us to do.
It's frustrating, no doubt. To have these problems and see other people conceive in their first try seems unfair. And if I chose to look at it like that, I'd be severely depressed. But I choose to see an opportunity to deepen my faith. To trust that He has something greater. To believe that He knows me and knows what's best for my life. I may not like the outcome, sure. I may not get to be a parent. But only He knows that and I just have to follow whatever path He's put me on. God, I need You now more than ever.
"Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now."
