We have officially hit the one year mark of "trying." It's an interesting mark because a LOT has happened to us in the past year. Yet nothing has changed. Yet (again), from our perspective, EVERYTHING has changed.
A year ago, I assumed a lot about my life. Today, I see that assuming is egotistical and usually WRONG.
A year ago, I researched because I put all the responsibility on me and Jon. Today, I pray and leave all the data to God, since there's no way I can research and educate myself on EVERY fertility situation.
A year ago, I trusted no one because I ascribed to the notion "if you want something done right, do it yourself." Today, while in an earthy, business sense I still ascribe to that notion, when it comes to fertility, it's physically impossible to do it myself.
A year ago, I had no idea how truly lacking my relationship with Jesus Christ was. Today, I'm aware of how much each breath I take desperately needs Him to be the lung that holds that oxygen.
As I look back on the past year, I like to think I see how God's hand has written this story so far and how all the scenes have beautifully woven together. I'll be honest: while it's a beautiful to look back and see His work, it's difficult to not look forward and wonder. Usually we have a sense of where we are going. We take a GPS on trips. We have instructions in a newly opened toy. We use headlights while driving at night. Imagine how unsteady or scary, even it might feel to go into any of those situations without those items. That's what God is asking of us on a daily basis though. Even though you might not be facing a test at this exact moment, each step you take, every interaction you have with friends or strangers, God demands full dependence on Him. He's at the end of our journey already. He's simply asking to be the travel guide so he can take us on the most fulfilling journey for us both.
"Don't fear when you go through the fire
Hang on when it's down to the wire
Stand tall and remember what He said
I won't give you more, more then you can take
and I might let you bend, but I won't let you break
and no, I'll never ever let you go
Don't you forget what He said"
No comments:
Post a Comment